What Is Love?

"I thought it was love all along until it ended."- Lord Vito

I have come to the realization that Love is the greatest emotion of all and apparently the greatest mystery to mankind. How is this so? Apparently “what is love?” was the most searched phrase on Google in 2012 meaning as much as we might want to believe we have known and experience love for a long time, we haven’t come to the absolute truth about love but have been only able to come up with theories to explain what love is based on different perceptions as it were.

Arguing from a biological perspective, physician Jim Al-Khalili asserts that:

 “love is chemistry.”- Jim Al-Khalili

He further argues that love is a powerful neurological condition like hunger or thirst, only more permanent. When we say love is blind or unconditional, we are subscribing to the

theory that love is chemistry since the basis of the notion love is blind or unconditional is the simple fact that we have no control over it. 

However, from an evolutionary perspective, love can be regarded as a survival tool - an instrument we have evolved to endorse long-term relationships, mutual defense and parental support of children and to endorse an emotional state of safety and security. Whilst humanity in the new millennium has brought confusion to itself in terms of what love is, it is awesome to know that unlike us the ancients didn’t sum up all the various emotions that we label “love” under one word. They however had several variations which according to Phillipa Perry included Philia, Ludus, Pragma, Agape, Philautia and Eros. 

Philia which they saw as a deep but usually non-sexual intimacy between close friends and family members or as a deep bond forged by soldiers as they fought alongside each other in battle. 

Ludus describes a more playful affection found in fooling around or flirting. Pragma denotes the mature love that develops over a long period of time between long-term couples and involves actively practising goodwill, commitment, compromise and understanding. Agape is a more generalized love that is not about exclusivity but about love for all of humanity. 

Philautia refers to self-love, which isn't as selfish as it sounds. As Aristotle discovered and as any psychotherapist will tell you, in order to care for others, you need to be able to care for yourself. Last, and probably least even though it causes the most trouble, Eros is about sexual passion and desire. Unless it matures into philia and/or pragma, eros will burn itself out.

Love is all of the above but is it possibly unrealistic to expect to experience all six types with only one person which leaves love as complicated as we found it. I also came across one philosopher of interest by the name of Nietzsche (1882), who stated in one of his books, and I quote:

“Here and there on earth we may encounter a kind of continuation of love in which this possessive craving of two people for each other gives way to a new desire and lust for possession—a shared higher thirst for an ideal above them. But who knows such love? Who has experienced it? Its right name is friendship."- Nietzsche 

This got me thinking, if erotic love can be transformed into the best kind of friendship, then it can open up a blissful life of shared understanding in which desire, friendship, and philosophy are in perfect resonance with each other.

The paradox of love is therefore that it is tremendously free yet attaches us with bonds resilient than death. Love cant’ be bought or sold; there is nothing it cannot face; love is life's greatest blessing and a curse in disguise. In a nutshell, my perception on what is love is that love is more easily experienced than defined… with this I rest my case.