Complicated As It Were.

‘For these and other days, I express regret for the complications I have instigated in your hearts and minds.’ – Lord Vito

Relationships nowadays have lost value and meaning, leaving a trail of heart-breaks and hatred as it were. Friendship is no longer a golden-tie, love is meaningless, relation-ships are beginning to sink and the life jackets are deflated as it were, leaving a few survivors if any.

Love is maturing into stressful lives, unsolved mysteries, and heated arguments. Unforgettable pasts are starting to creep into healthy relationships thus weakening their immunity to third parties and interference from uninvited guests. Our partners’ friends of the opposite sex have become nothing but potential rivals. Relationships nowadays are for nothing more than convenience. Nine out of ten times, the guy/girl we’re told not to worry about becomes our successor after we’re dumped, our instincts are almost right but we ignore the truth for temporary happiness.

Technology, invented to connect people from all over the world despite the distance between them has brought us closer. So close that it’s impossible to breathe and our personal space is now being invaded by someone a million miles away. Our physical presence has been replaced by social media platforms, voice messages and video calls. We don’t feel the need to spend time together anymore. We have had too much of each other already that it is now impossible to be intrigued by the same person over a long period of time. There’s nothing left to talk about if it is not a heated argument.

I have come to note that, in this new millennium we cannot imagine being with one person for the rest of our lives. We walk away. We despise permanence like it’s some kind of social evil and don’t even value relationships anymore. We let go of the most wonderful people in our lives for ‘the other fishes in the sea.’ We don’t consider them sacred anymore but could it be that the very same fish that was sacred before has created a comfort zone that acts as a barrier to the very same person they are supposed to attract and retain? Food for thought!

I believe most people don’t know how to love that’s why they fall in love so easily. Many people want to be in relationships, without really having a clue what they’re all about or why they are getting in such relationships. People have some romantic fantasy about all these things like getting a man/woman, getting married and having a blissful life, without looking at the work involved or the responsibilities or commitment required to sustain such relationships.

Reality is complicated. Things are not as simple as they seem. It’s high time we take everything that exists to have the form of a coin which has two sides. Each of these wonderful things we desire has another side that we must acknowledge. Failure to do so, we tend to create a perfect recipe for failure and disappointments. Every day, couples are getting divorced, arguments are turning into fights, hearts are being broken among other things, simply because the responsibilities inherent in relationships or life in general are being ignored.

Complications are real, it doesn’t take work to be in a dysfunctional relationship; people do it all the time. Taking someone hostage or allowing yourself to be taken hostage in a relationship is boring and predictable. It’s not about taking someone away from those they love. It’s not about being locked into some strange desperation with each other, hoping and praying that no one cracks the shell. Too many unhealthy relationships depend on each person convincing the other that the world is out to get one or both of them which is what makes the relationships unhealthy in the first place. Ask yourself this question if you happen to be in a relationship today: 

‘Is my relationship characterized by ownership or companionship? 

You might want to fall in love with the latter if you know what’s good for you.

In a nutshell, there is much game-playing in dysfunctional, toxic relationships nowadays and the only way to win is not to play. Otherwise the other way is to just risk it all and have it as complicated as it were.